Even If They Leave, You Win

Rania NaimUpdated February 26, 2019

Even if they lied. You were honest. You were real and that’s what matters. You meant what you said. Your words were soft and your actions were genuine. You didn’t take them or their emotions lightly. You weren’t scared of the truth but most importantly, you were true to yourself. 

Even if they took you for granted. You were kind. You were giving. You were caring. They’ll always remember you as the one with the big heart. The one with overflowing love and kindness that very few people can drink up.

Even if they picked someone else. You did what you had to when you like someone. You chose them. You invested in them. You did what you would want someone to do to you. You practiced what you preached. You didn’t just expect a kind of love you weren’t able to give. You gave it all and more and that kind of karma will return to you in magical ways.

Even if they thought you were temporary. You know deep in your heart that you’re not. You know that you didn’t play games or manipulated anyone into loving someone you’re not. You were honest. You showed them your vulnerability, your feelings and what they meant to you. You showed them that they mattered. You showed them your scars without trying to conceal them. You were an entiregalaxy for someone who couldn’t even see the stars.

Even if they made you feel like you weren’t good enough. You gave your all. You did your best. You did everything you could to be someone worth loving and if that’s not enough for someone, it’s not your job to change them. It’s your job to stay exactly the way you are because you will always be more than enough for someone who is looking for depth, for quality and for strength. Maybe you were too strong for the weak ones or too deep for the shallow ones or maybe you were a home when they were looking for a vacation.

Even if they leave, you win. Because they’re showing you who they are. They’re showing you what they’re made of. They’re showing you what kind of person you don’t want to be with. You don’t want the kind of person who walks away because they can’t handle who you are. You don’t want someone who acts and lies just so they can manipulate you into loving them. You don’t want someone who is only looking for attention. You don’t want someone who sees you as a placeholder. You don’t want someone who makes you feel like you’ll never be good enough.

You don’t want someone who doesn’t know how to stay.

So trust me when I say that even if they leave, you win. You win every time someone who wasn’t afraid of losing you, leaves. You win every time God takes away someone from your life because that means he’s making room for someone so much better. 

Self - Retreatment

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ 

Dengan menyebut nama Allah yang Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang

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I was known among my friends, to be the one who traveled a lot - the one my friends kept coming to ask for some travel recommendations etc. Airlines' websites used to be the most visited web on my browser's history (especially Air Asia), I'd almost never missed Air Asia's promotion - I'd grab at least one promo ticket, the cheapest one I could get. Travelling - was my one and only guilty pleasure, so I would usually keep track of my schedule and to have at least once place to travel within 2-3 months gap (6 months gap, max).

But now? Travelling is the last item on my to-do list. The last time I travelled overseas was last year.... April or May? I even donated my blood 3 times in a row because of that gap (you have to observe 3-4 months period after each donation, if you're back from overseas and then you have to observe at least one month gap before you can donate. Check out here). 

And so because I couldn't travel (couldn't relive my so-called passion), I felt so restless. I had no motivation, dragged my feet to come to work. I had to indulge into something else, other than travelling, I had to choose to do something cheap - like joining some running races, binging on comfort food, and sometimes shopping stuff online (blergh I so hate the fact that I like to do online shoppings!).

It been a year, so from day to day I kept looking forward to the days that I could take loads of annual leave!

It so happened that my life became quite dramatic this year. From leaving the office to not leaving the office, and then Mak had to had her renal stone operation - and so that's it! I took mak's operation as an excuse to take my two weeks leave.

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It does not hurt to take a break once a while.

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I kept telling myself, it's okay to take the leave - not that I deserved it, but it was so much needed. Not only I was tired of whatever happened, my positive energy, too, was slowly draining.

I think it is important to take a break sometimes, and I would like to put a term on that - self-retreat. Retreat from whatever we are currently doing. It's not to be seen as a form of weakness (of course, as we know retreat could also mean surrendering), but it's as a strategy. I think in wars, too, retreat means calling back all armies to reshuffle war strategies. 

So I treated my two-weeks holiday as a self-retreatment; where I collected all my thoughts and strategies - what to do, what have I done so far, what should I do after this and all. It's such a refreshing idea to treat the holiday like that (or otherwise we'll usually have the travel blues upon coming back to work, amirite?)

Also, bila bercuti kita kembali ke normal state kita. Zero base semula.

So..

Here's to not giving up, here's to taking loads of self-retreatment so we could empower ourselves more!

p/s: I'm not sure if I said above makes any sense but I hope they do!