So it was an impulsive act, so immature to suddenly left home. My parents were worried sick, I had my mom and my sister flew to where I was within a couple of days even though the flight tickets weren't cheap. Not only I didn't thank them, I even spoke harshly to my mom and said that I didn't ask her to be there for me.
I thought that was the first and last, but nope. It took me another two solo trips to finally come to my senses. The final trip was so emotional. I boarded the flight from Malaysia without my mom's blessing. She was so pissed off even my dad couldn't help but asked me to fly back home immediately. But I couldn't. I had my missions. I had scars to cover, a heart so hurt to be healed and mental to be stabilized.
But did the missions do me good? No. That was the one time that I felt terribly lonely. I was so demotivated, so lost of control. That was when I realized, that when I thought I was the victim I was actually hurting everybody else that had loved me so effortlessly since forever - my parents and family. They loved me unconditionally, even when I was so broken I thought no one could heal. Even when I made loads of mistakes no one could ever forgive. But they did.
So while I thought travelling was gonna heal me, it didn't. The journey, though, helped me to realize and appreciate the real things I had forsaken.
So if you think travelling is gonna heal you, don't. Because it won't. You shouldn't travel to run away from problems; they will keep chasing you.
Remember this quote which I keep chanting to myself - "don't travel to find peace. Find peace inside you, then travel." (Fatimah, April 2013).
Travel when you have made peace with everyone, especially with your ownself. Believe me, if you could not forgive yourself during travelling, you could be blaming yourself during the entire trip and lose the fun of enjoying yourself. Why would you waste money to do just that?
Travelling is a way to find yourself, but don't do that as an escape route. Be brave to go through hurdles in life, eventually every problem shall go away as nothing is permanent in this life.
The view so beautiful
But could you sense the emptiness?
The front so clear
But that's me that I was unsure of.
When you chose to be alone,
Only you could uplift your own.
3 things to describe my feelings
at that moment.
This was one dramatic view
I've ever been, that's why
I keep coming back.
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This entry was inspired by this article : http://thoughtcatalog.com/angelo-caerlang/2017/02/to-the-people-i-walked-away-from-i-apologize/
