بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
In the name of Allah, the Most Beneficent and the Most Merciful
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From the moment I posted about how we all should sacrifice a few of our favourites for our parents, I feel like I've been tested. A test from Allah : where one says something to remind other and then, poof! Allah will test him the exact same thing he said - so as to serve a reminder to himself: do as you preach, walk the talk!
It's just a simple test, really - of how I said we should sacrifice something, for example, our feelings, for our parents, then boom! the next day I was tested in terms of taking care of my own feelings or my parents. Turned out I failed the test; I made my mother mad (or sad? frust? unhappy?) at me, and then my father, too.
Sometimes I think : if I have done enough for my parents, if what I do now is the kind of life I'll be living for the rest of my life - and if yes, would I be dissatisfied with just this? What can I do more, what should I do more, how can I do more - but how could I do more when there are times like this, I feel like I'm failing?
And then, I felt like I failed my colleagues, too.
I have to be honest, I'm not in a good mood even after I unleashed my anger towards others. I mean, we're supposed to at least be a bit happy if we have let go of our anger, aren't we? But no, it made me sadder. And being in PMS didn't help much to justify my anger/frustration towards others, too.
I was sadder yesterday when I think I've done my best (I gave out some souvenirs to my colleagues as Ramadhan's gifts), but some of them didn't show their appreciation. I was so sad that I almost think that I don't want to deal with her anymore, in the future.
And then, Aida Azlin talked about sincerity.
It dawned on me that sincerity is the answer. Just like Aida said, sometimes we need to be reminded that it all comes down to being sincere. Yes, I am sincere when I do those things - I like doing whatever I was doing, and I want to continue doing that. I tend to care more, I tend to do things unimaginable by others (for example, I got people questioning, why are you so kind to do this and that? trust me, I'm not kind (really, I'm not. I'm selfish), I just do things so I could see smiles on others, I do things so I could unburden others because I hate seeing people struggling (or maybe I do things because it's troublesome to see others in trouble, so I troubled myself to un-trouble others so I'll be free from feeling troubled. huh!).
It reminded me that I also wrote about sincerity in my previous post; the answer to how I'm able to help my parents/family. Masya'Allah... We know the answer, but sometimes when we're struggling with our Imaan, we tend to forget that.
So, yes... when we do things, let's put our hearts into them. Put our sincerity in doing things, and as I always say : Lillahi Ta'ala, kerana Allah, because of Allah - and then Allah will take care of other things. Our job is to do what we should do, don't look for rewards by humans, don't expect people to change because of what you do (because it is Allah who would change and soften their hearts, not you.) It's not your job to make them like you (ya Allah, I wrote this and feel like crying), it's up to them to think of you however they want - but your duty, is to do your job with sincerity and to do because it's who you are.
Be kind because you know how it feels to be underrated, to be struggling, to feel alone.
Then, be sincere, remind yourself about sincerity - and that's how you should stay consistent in giving out kindness.
Be sincere because you like to do them, not because of others expectation towards you.
Let's make our duaa to Allah Azza Wa Jalla, to The One Who Holds Our Hearts - make us sincere in doing our jobs, and soften our hearts in doing them - soften the hearts of people we dealing with when doing our jobs. Ameeen....
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